Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
