What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Vodka?
Forever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
