This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
