doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
