he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
