i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
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