Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everclear isn't food dammit
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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