im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
