Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
