Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
