another moral hangover. fuck.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
