I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Randomize
