The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
