I think i peed on brittanys purse
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
