I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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