he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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