I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
