Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Houston, we have a blender
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
