: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
