I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
