She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
