I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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