im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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