The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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