New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
