I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
