I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
