I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
