Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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