the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
