I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
