You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
