I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
