It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
