I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
