his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
