I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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