At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
