I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
