i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
