question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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