Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
