i just wanna soil my oats bro
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
