fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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