so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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