worst night to have a conscience
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
