I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
