I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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