If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
