your room smells of hookers.
And success
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
