I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
please come you make the beer taste better
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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