Just fell off a train. Bad.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
