Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
