Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
