I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
