Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
