Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
