yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hippo gnu deer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
